Postmodern Surfer Fantasy Picks
Credit: © ASP / SCHOLTZ
Battle For The Crown 2010
So here we go again. Like a schoolyard fight, the world title race heats up with the intentions of crowning the alpha-male of our chosen sport. On a side-note, since surfing was once the sport of kings, wouldn’t it be weird if we dedicated one surf spot that only past crowned world champions could surf? That would really make winning a world title something. Especially if it was a really good surf spot, just like Augusta is for golfers (you knew I’d have to use a golfing analogy…its the only sport elitist enough to actually pull something like that off). Since I’m going nowhere fast with this article anyways, I might point out that this would be a good first step towards the eventual surf licensing program I would see being instituted in a foreseeable communist future (yes, China will eventually rule the world).
Back to the present, and my predictions on the upcoming 2010 world tour, I anticipate mass confusion. This whole one-world ranking is just frightening (see, I told you China’s mass minded communism is taking hold). I was just starting to figure out what the WQS was. It did seem a bit elitist to only allow the top ranked surfers to enjoy the prestige of WCT events, but that’s how our society works (thus my surf license ranking system would involve a similar method. So many days surfed well, well being a measure ascribed by a paid surf analyst [see, I’m creating jobs here people], at said spot of a given rank and then you can move up to better surf venues…) The one thing I can tell you is that it would be possible for the person who wins the title to not currently be in the top 44 (actually I don’t know that for sure, but given the fact that half way through the year a well performing WQS surfer could start competing for world title points given the phasing in of the one-world ranking system at that time, and that was about when Mick started to really give his run a go in 2009, it could feasible happen…I think).
My betting for the world title usually involves a run on fantasysurfer.com, that’s because I haven’t figured out the online gambling sites for the US (which I here are very popular in Australia. So much so that chatting with one of the top surf team managers at a previous contest I got a run down on all the bets he had for upcoming heats…something tells me Pete Rose would object)…also I can’t find any of my friends who are brave enough to wager on the outcome of the contest…which is understandable considering I finished the last 3 years 99th, 400ish (I try to forget that one), and 102nd last year out of over 18,000 registered teams on fantasysurfer.com.
My system for picking surfers to win involves a fair bit of research, but not a ridiculous amount like the guy who won last year and built grids in excel on heat scores and on top of that never even surfed because he was a baseball analyst for a job, that’s crazy. You can have a job as a sports valuation analyst, someone hire me for O’neill and I’ll build spread sheets to tell them if they paid too much for Jordy. My rough estimate would be that he’s working out pretty good, especially after that rodeo in Indo…sick. Do I put Jordy on my fantasy team though? Well that depends on his price at the start of the season. This baseball guy had that all figured out…but he also had about 20 teams…I’ve had 2 but 20’s a bit absurd. Now they’re only going to let you have 1. Thanks baseball guy.
A note on judging for the upcoming year. Long-time head judge Perry Hatchett got the boot. I think it had to do with giving Adriano De Souza 8 point scores for 3 butt turns against Taylor Knox…at least I hope that was the reason. Now I think Adriano is a fine athlete, but what defines a true athlete is style, make it look good. In light of the women’s tour coming to the slow realization that their judging shouldn’t be compared to men’s surfing ability but on a women’s aesthetic, I think the men’s tour could learn something. A power turn is fine, but it should also make you think, “Darn, that turn looked sexy.”
UPDATE—TAJ has won the first contest.